Sacred Adult Tantrums? Permission Slip Granted
Happy Thursday to Opaline Alchemy’s beautiful community! How the hell is it already the middle of the month and at the same time doesn’t it feel like a month has passed from last Thursday to now? It sure does to me, so many shifts, squeezes, changes, adaptations, expansions and of course, contractions. But before getting into the meat of this week's newsletter, let’s all just start with taking a big deep breath bringing us into this moment together. *Exhale*.
Whatever you’re working at, whatever your ‘thing’ is right now, I see you and I know you’re doing the best you can. Soften into the reality you’re doing the best you can, and that is more than good enough.
Under recent circumstances I have been really getting stretched out of my comfort zone in regards to how I approach my work. Normally, I would be so stressed out at this point on the wheel of the year, worrying about all the things associated with my two Spring oriented companies. But at the end of the Winter just a few months ago, my guides invited me to ease into Spring, well ease-fully. That felt shiny and sparkly at the time.. as we all want more ease in our lives, no?! But, what a roller coaster it’s been actually trying to implement that.
I realized I had been forfeiting the Spring season in years past. Stressed out beyond belief and loathing my life as I knew it because I was working 8-12 hour days, 7 days a week. My adrenals, body, mind, and Spirit were crushed. I was so confused!? Shouldn’t doing work I love mean I am predisposed to enjoy it? The issue here was: I was approaching work I loved, with OLD and outdated dynamics that still were living within my nervous system and subconscious. These were what was producing the ultra stressful results in my reality.
I literally would leave my house at 7am and garden until it was dark outside, then come home, and work on the computer for however long until I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore. By that time I was too exhausted to even shower… had zero time to do laundry…, so my solution for YEARS was to literally sleep on the floor so I wouldn’t get my bed all dirty. I slept on the floor so I could just get up at the stroke of my alarm, essentially put my boots back on and get after it once again. I repeated this pattern for way too long, and I lost myself, and the magic of Spring along with it.
This year I was invited to courageously defy that standard, enjoy Spring, and work far less. If I wanted to invite ease into my life then I better start acting like it. I better start harvesting ease whenever and as often as I possibly can, even in small ways, even in ways that don’t make sense or don’t fit into my agenda.
Have you ever looked up at the sky shaking your fists in a moment of despair or anger asking: “I don’t ask for that much and this is what I get!? WHY?!”. Well my friend you’ve successfully reverse psychology’d yourself. You aren’t getting a lot of ‘xyz’ BECAUSE you’re not asking for it.
Here’s my theory on why you’re not asking for it… as children, who here was punished for having tantrums? Like me and I’m sure the vast majority of you, having a tantrum as a child was not allowed and wildly inconvenient for our parents.. Yet the child psychology of what a tantrum represents is so important to acknowledge. A tantrum is essentially just a desire the kid has, that’s being left unmet. Because they don’t have the communication tools to communicate how that’s making them feel, they have a meltdown!
If a kid really really wants to play on the playground, but has to come with their parents to the grocery store… that is pretty understandable why they freak out right?
Why would we as a society expect these brand new humans to understand how to reason with the super ineffective conditioning model of: “you get what you get and you don’t get upset”. I know we all have heard that phrase before, so now in unison let’s imagine that we roll that statement into a ball and throw it into a blazing fire! BYE! Like wow… how off course have we navigated from the truth of our human experiences! All feelings about whatever it is are valid. It doesn’t mean that they are bad or good, right or wrong, but they are valid and deserve our respect. Now here’s where we connect it to being an adult and to getting what we want using our rage as our sacred compass.
Because many of us were either punished or not allowed to express our feelings about our desires, I believe this makes it SO difficult for us to not only ask for what we want in our life, but to feel our feelings about it when we don’t receive it.
Have you ever noticed your pet, or an animal in nature ‘shaking it out’? Another thing animals do that we seldom replicate is making sounds, just letting out a shriek, groan, bark, howl, or grunt! Sometimes these actions are made because the animals are trying to communicate, but the large majority are just them moving energy through their body! It’s not necessarily a way to filter their desires.. or maybe it is I have no idea. However, I know you’ve known a dog that barks or cries at the door incessantly awaiting your return because it desperately wants you back, right?
The way humans have evolved to use our clever minds to communicate how we feel, for some reason has created a block in accessing all the other options? I don’t expect a 3 year old to calmly tell me how they feel about having to go to the grocery store instead of the playground! Even though we’re adults now, I don’t think we were allotted enough tantrums as kids; so here’s your permission slip!
Sometimes we feel anger, impatience, guilt, shame, irritation, confusion and just like things aren’t fair!! We might have an answer to why we feel those things, but often they are just emotions that accumulate from being a human, that are begging to be expressed! Why can’t expressing rage in a healthy way (ie: no one gets hurt) be a creative practice? Why can’t screaming and stomping our feet to why our needs are still left unmet as an adult, be sacred as ceremony? My new rule for myself (a person who as a child only ever had ONE tantrum), is that if I don’t have a meltdown at least once a week, I’m doing this wrong.
I learned from childhood that having tantrums (& essentially desires) was not allowed and frankly inconvenient, so I’m rewriting that story now as an adult. A radical act of reprogramming to reclaim my sovereignty over my nervous system and my life. I demand to be acknowledged in my suffering wether it makes sense or not, and if the only person that can do that for me, is me? Well then I’ll just hold myself through it with loving, reassuring arms.
So if you’re feeling like you need have a meltdown or a tantrum in the next week ahead about whatever is not going your way in life, I’m right there with you! I honor your emotions.
How you feel is sacred and most importantly, valid!
The best thing you can do for yourself in these times is to let out whatever emotion wants to exit… You repressing them is just instilling the old programming that you are not worthy of your desires.
(Secret: You 10000% are.)
Listen to this guided meditation if you would like to connect to your sacred rage or energy that is begging to be expressed below.
Blessings near and far,
Taryn <3
